Once several years ago, while sitting in the smoking lounge at work, I happened across an article that a successful older woman had written. I can not remember exactly what the article was entitled, but its content stuck with me and is now resonating through my mind. In the article this successful CEO of a company was talking about how after time and being single you eventually no matter how beautiful rich or successful eventually become desperate. She talked about how putting her career first and marriage at the back of her mind had eventually come back to hurt her. At the time that I was reading this article I was 25, beautiful and completely full of the fact. I sat there reading the article, completely disgusted with what this woman was saying. I kept wondering how someone so beautiful and successful could talk about just how desperate she had become.. talking about how she regretted so many of the guys she had let go or walked away from thinking that they weren't right and that she would never "settle" for someone that wasn't. She kept talking about how her clock started ticking and when she couldn't stand it any longer, she went to a clinic and had invetro fertilization done so that she could have a child. She did this in the hopes that having a child to love would fill the void in her life that was left by not having found "the one". The article went on to talk about how the child filled the void for a while but then eventually caused it to become larger. She talked about how the stress of being a single parent wore on her and she found herself falling into a depression now wanting to do it all alone anymore.
As I sat on the couch reading this article, I was outraged and appalled that ANY woman could ever become that desperate, could ever live regretting letting go of guys that really weren't right for her. I even went to lunch that day telling my best friend about the article and about how ridicules it was. We laughed about it and then sat in a sunny plaza in the middle of the city watching the hustle and bustle of the busy city streets with beautiful people all around us.
Back then, my young 25 year old mind that still somewhat believed in fairy tales, couldn't grasp the concept of what that article was talking about. Today at the age of thirty, I have begun to finally understand what it is that she meant. I am still single and still searching for "the one" the guy that will be everything that I want and need in a partner, someone that will not complete me but complement me in such a way that life will finally be as it should. Over the last five years, I have made several attempts at dating and usually ended up just giving up due to frustration and irritation with my lack of success. Being a single parent doesn't help either. Because I would rather not drag my daughter through failed attempt after failed attempt. I have always kept dating and my personal life separate. This makes dating and finding time to "look" almost impossible. It also makes it hard to determine whether any guy I date would actually be good to and with my daughter. It's a catch 22 and another crazy obstacle to meeting someone that will fit into my life.
So as 30 stretches towards 31, I begin to realize what this woman was talking about. I some times look back at some of the great guys that I have met wondering if I made a mistake back then, wondering if maybe they were as good as I was going to get but I was too full of my self and blinded by fairy tale endings to realize that a guy that would treat you good and has a great career is "good enough" that you don't have to be hopelessly one hundred percent, head over heals in love for it to be right.........
Then my mind hits the brakes and comes to a screeching halt ....RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRET!! SCREW THAT!!!! whether I am 25 or 50 I don't want to ever settle. I would rather wait two or twenty years alone to find someone to spend the rest of my life with then waste it with someone that I wont. Although I DO now see how this woman could have come to the point that she had, I also realize that I don't have to feel the same way or let it all discourage me. All things happen for a reason, and if you have faith, patience and the wisdom to read the story that life lays out for you, hard lessons and all. Then eventually... what is meant to be will be. Whether it is to be part of something or apart from it all.
To all my beautiful single friends out there... don't get discouraged!! Everything happens for a reason and eventually you will find someone that's right for you.
Love to you all,
MJ
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