Once upon an article.....

Once several years ago, while sitting in the smoking lounge at work, I happened across an article that a successful older woman had written. I can not remember exactly what the article was entitled, but its content stuck with me and is now resonating through my mind. In the article this successful CEO of a company was talking about how after time and being single you eventually no matter how beautiful rich or successful eventually become desperate. She talked about how putting her career first and marriage at the back of her mind had eventually come back to hurt her. At the time that I was reading this article I was 25, beautiful and completely full of the fact. I sat there reading the article, completely disgusted with what this woman was saying. I kept wondering how someone so beautiful and successful could talk about just how desperate she had become.. talking about how she regretted so many of the guys she had let go or walked away from thinking that they weren't right and that she would never "settle" for someone that wasn't. She kept talking about how her clock started ticking and when she couldn't stand it any longer, she went to a clinic and had invetro fertilization done so that she could have a child. She did this in the hopes that having a child to love would fill the void in her life that was left by not having found "the one". The article went on to talk about how the child filled the void for a while but then eventually caused it to become larger. She talked about how the stress of being a single parent wore on her and she found herself falling into a depression now wanting to do it all alone anymore.

As I sat on the couch reading this article, I was outraged and appalled that ANY woman could ever become that desperate, could ever live regretting letting go of guys that really weren't right for her. I even went to lunch that day telling my best friend about the article and about how ridicules it was. We laughed about it and then sat in a sunny plaza in the middle of the city watching the hustle and bustle of the busy city streets with beautiful people all around us.

Back then, my young 25 year old mind that still somewhat believed in fairy tales, couldn't grasp the concept of what that article was talking about. Today at the age of thirty, I have begun to finally understand what it is that she meant. I am still single and still searching for "the one" the guy that will be everything that I want and need in a partner, someone that will not complete me but complement me in such a way that life will finally be as it should. Over the last five years, I have made several attempts at dating and usually ended up just giving up due to frustration and irritation with my lack of success. Being a single parent doesn't help either. Because I would rather not drag my daughter through failed attempt after failed attempt. I have always kept dating and my personal life separate. This makes dating and finding time to "look" almost impossible. It also makes it hard to determine whether any guy I date would actually be good to and with my daughter. It's a catch 22 and another crazy obstacle to meeting someone that will fit into my life.

So as 30 stretches towards 31, I begin to realize what this woman was talking about. I some times look back at some of the great guys that I have met wondering if I made a mistake back then, wondering if maybe they were as good as I was going to get but I was too full of my self and blinded by fairy tale endings to realize that a guy that would treat you good and has a great career is "good enough" that you don't have to be hopelessly one hundred percent, head over heals in love for it to be right.........

Then my mind hits the brakes and comes to a screeching halt ....RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRET!! SCREW THAT!!!! whether I am 25 or 50 I don't want to ever settle. I would rather wait two or twenty years alone to find someone to spend the rest of my life with then waste it with someone that I wont. Although I DO now see how this woman could have come to the point that she had, I also realize that I don't have to feel the same way or let it all discourage me. All things happen for a reason, and if you have faith, patience and the wisdom to read the story that life lays out for you, hard lessons and all. Then eventually... what is meant to be will be. Whether it is to be part of something or apart from it all.

To all my beautiful single friends out there... don't get discouraged!! Everything happens for a reason and eventually you will find someone that's right for you.

Love to you all,

MJ

Life might not have "fairy tale endings" but it can still have a happy one....

There's something to be said for new beginnings and lessons learned. Neither is easy to do but both are sometimes necessary to grow as a person. It's sad that some choose to never do either to avoid walking the harder path. I more then understand how hard it can be to be "alone", yet have learned that sometimes it is better to be alone then to endure the sickness that can come of unhealthy relationships and uncertainty.

There is something that has really bothered me these last few years since being on the "single" scene. On the scene I see beautiful, strong, independent, and intelligent woman seriously making themselves sick with insecurities over guys that don't even deserve to spit shine they're shoes never mind have the power to break their hearts. I look at these woman and realize that each and everyone of them are amazing and deserve happiness, yet all of them make the same mistakes when it comes to love and relationships. They could be a killer shark of a business woman or a single mother struggling to make ends meat. All so diverse, yet all brought low by insecurities and unhealthy relationships.

I have seen many of these woman work so hard in every aspect of their lives to be successful, no matter how hard it was to do. Yet when it comes to loving someone that isn't good for them, they would rather cut themselves off from friends and family then walk away from someone that everyone else can see is clearly NOT good for them.

WHY???? Why do we do it? Why, time after time, after time do we continue to do it?

I have thought SO hard about this and the only answer that I can come up with is that it is because we are all looking for "the one", "our soul mate", that guy that is going to make us so happy that life is never going to be the same. Each of these amazing woman are all looking for the same thing, because we are all raised to believe in fairy tale endings. After thinking about this for a really long time, and wondering to my self if there really are fair tale endings, I realized that, in a sense, there really aren't "Fairy Tale Endings", but there are happy endings. However, making your self sick over a guy that is stringing you along or not treating you the way your deserve to be treated is NOT even going to get you to happy ending.

In the words of Kelly Clarkson "Break Away"! If something is meant to be than it always finds a way to work its self out, but it is better to walk away from an unhealthy relationship and be alone then it is to stay and waste your time on a guy that's probably NOT going to be your happy ending.

Honestly, stand in the mirror and ask yourself who you are, where you are going and how you want to get there. Make some standards for your self and stick with them. Everyone jokes with me about "my rules" but honestly all my rules are, are standards. What the hell is so wrong with a girl having standards? I'm not a snob and I am not a person that is going to judge someone based solely off of one standard. I KNOW that everyone is an individual and different people are different, and yes, sometimes you can find love in the least unexpected place, but what I will not bend on, is what I deserve. Everyone deserves to be treated right and with respect, and if a guy can't do that then he isn't worth your time. I digress, my point is ladies that if you don't have standards and allow a guy to treat you like shit, or disrespect you then you need to wake up because if you don't demand that respect and insist on being treated like the woman you are then why should a guy bother to respect you? If you won't allow a friend to treat you the way some guy is then why the hell would you allow some guy to treat you that way?

I am honestly guilty of making this mistake over and over again, but I truly hope that I am smart enough to NOT make it again. They say hind sight is twenty twenty, and it is SO true but my grandmother also to always say "why should a man buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?" I used to shake my head at my grandma and say "Gram, times are different". It wasn't until recently that I made the connection that, that phrase isn't just about sex. Its about a LOT more. It's about respect. It's about realizing that if you don't insist on being treated like the woman you are, then why should a man treat you that way? Stop making it so easy for assholes to have that kind of power over you! If you start expecting more you might still someday find your happy ending.

I know there are guys out there that are going to read this and say that it's not a one sided thing, and I agree, but guess what... I'm a woman and can only write from my prospective about what I see, so if you want to comment guys, please feel free without giving me shit about this being one sided.

Love 2 you all

~MJ~

Dating logic

While catching up with a friend on the phone the other day, we got to discussing dating and she said something that both made me laugh, yet also put how I was feeling into prospective. She said "Settling for a guy that isn't just right for you is like letting the fat smelly guy on the bus sit next to you. If Prince charming decides to take the dating express that day and there is a fat smelly guy sitting in the seat next to you then your opportunity might be lost."

The wise logic behind her analogy is that it is better to ride alone and stick to what you know is right rather then to miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime because you accepted someone that wasn't.

I concur LL, thanks for the wisdom ;)

Love 2 you all!

Living life by rote of quote....

I once read a quote in a book that struck me as so simple yet so powerful... "Accept that which is unchangeable; change that which is unacceptable.". I can't remember which book as I have read so many, but this truly stuck with me and became one of the quotes that I live my life by. There is very little in the world that is unchangeable, and so many things that are unacceptable. In following the wisdom of this quote I have come to realize that one of the best parts of life is free will and that if you don't like something you can simply change it and when something is unacceptable, again, all you need to do is change it.

So many people fear change but I have learned that is the true essence of free will and freedom in life, so I choose to embrace it.

On the Edge of Darkness

As I stood there on the edge of darkness staring out across the endless ocean, I could feel the cool ocean breeze against my skin. I closed my eyes and could hear the sound of the surf as it gently crashed against the shore. With tears in my eyes and a smile on my face I began to walk the shore line. With each step I felt more confident and more sure of myself, just a little less frustrated and a little less stressed. I began moving faster, and then I reached for my headphones. One at a time I popped them in my ears just as the music began to play.......

"Oh I found myself today, I found myself and ran away..... Something pulled me back. A voice of reason I forgot I had. All I know is your not here to say what you always used to say, but it's written in the sky tonight. Oh... I wont give up, I wont break down, sooner then then it seems life turns around, I will be strong, even when it all goes wrong. When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe that someones watching over me."

As I begin to run I couldn't help but thinking about just how true those words were. I mean really, how could I not believe that? As I ran in the dark with the sand and surf beneath my feat and the brilliant stars shining over head. How could I possibly see the beauty of this place and not believe that someone was watching over me.

I ran and ran until I couldn't breath and my pants were soaked from the surf. Then I just plopped down right there on the sand. As I sat back and looked around, it came to me, there on the edge of darkness looking out at the vast ocean, I realized that I should feel so small, yet I didn't. Instead, I felt like a part of it. Like a piece of something greater, of something more amazing than any of us will ever understand. As I felt the sand shift beneath me, I realized that I was so much like those individual grains of sand. I realized that like a grain of sand, I am unique and no other grain is like me. It also struck me that I, just like one of those grains, am just one piece of a whole. for without all of the grains of sand together there could be no beach and all it takes to shift hundreds, even thousands of other grains is the movement of just one.

Okay, About me....

I am outgoing and fun loving, definitely a "type A" personality. I have a hunger for life and thirst for knowledge that can't be satisfied by mundane every day nonsense. I crave challenge and change, yet need to keep some things stable and the same.

I believe that we are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act.

HOWEVER....I also feel that if you waste your life by not living it then your are living a tragic lifestyle. Never forget to have fun, too laugh too much, and too LOVE with all that you are, no matter how many times you've been hurt. Be passionate, and spontaneous, never worry about having too much fun worry about not having enough!

MY LIFE....Is a very fine balance of Family, Work, and Play and I love every minute of it. I truly believe in "No regrets" and live my life knowing that no matter what happens today, whether it is good or bad, that tomorrow is another day, a new day with new beginnings, new people, and new things to see and do. So I wake up every day ready to live my life to the fullest.

FOUR words that truly describe me PASSIONATE, HONEST, UNIQUE, and INTENSE. Any one who REALLY takes the time to know me understands those four words completely.

Hey there world of bloggers!

To tell you a little about myself, I am 30 years old and this year, I am living on the island of Oahu. I have moved around a lot and have seen so many amazing places and met so many amazing people. It's kind of crazy but sometimes I feel like I have lived a million life times and at other times I feel like I have really just begun to live and experience life. I guess, in some ways, that both feelings are true.

So anyway, today I am going to post something that I wrote a while back. This is something that I re-read all the time as a reminder of of who I am and the reason for the roads I have traveled. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

At the Crossroad

We all eventually come to points in our life where we have to make the kinds of decisions that can and will change life as you know it forever. I think that this usually only happens to some people once or twice in a lifetime. For others it happens over and over again. How do you know which way to go! As those roads intersect some times your choices are clear and sometimes all directions are unclear. Now I firmly believe in "No Regrets", but also sometimes often wonder how things on a different path might have been. I mean that is only human nature. As these last years have brought with them so much change, I have constantly found my self standing at the cross road trying to decide which way to go. I sometimes stand and review my choices and think them through as much as possible, and at other times I find my self making reckless decisions. Either way I always try to remember that who you are stems from who you where. So I look back and I remember, I remember my life page by page, chapter by chapter and book by book, and I smile. I smile because I realize that my story is a long one filled with trials and tribulations, filled with love and hurt, filled with all of the people that have helped write my story. I smile because I realize that I carry with me secrets of life that some people will never know. I smile because I realize that only the people that are unafraid to live life and experience it will find them selves time and time again at the Cross Road, and that only those who can tread on the roads riddled with pain will ever really understand why it is necessary. I smile because I know that if you don't take a chance and walk the road less traveled some times, then your life will be filled with the mundane, and that is a fate I could never stand. So the next time that you find yourself at a cross road remember that although some roads look less traveled and a little harder to walk be brave stand tall and know that sometimes the best things in life are achieved through hard work, passion and perseverance.

"Never let your fears stand in the way of your dreams!"
(my favorite quote but I can't remember who wrote it)

Love 2 u all!!

~MJ~