Return to the Crossroads

It seems time and time again, I find myself standing back at the crossroad trying to figure out which path to take. Which will lead me to where I want to be, and which will take me where I need to go? Each time that I return it seems that the decision becomes harder and harder to make and the consequences of my choices become steeper. It even sometimes seems as if I am going in circles and finding myself back at the same place over and over. As if I have somehow missed a path I was supposed to take and am being given the opportunity to look for it once again. Yet as I stand there trying to discern what I have missed, wondering why the way is so unclear when it should be so obvious, I feel that I am still missing something that I need, in order to find my way.  As I stand here once again ready to move forward and not willing to go back I contemplate the many things I have learned and review some of the things I must carry forward with me.

1. Never forget who I am and where I am from as it will remind me where it is that I am going and why.

2. Never regret the choices I make because everything happens for a reason so regretting any of it is pointless and will only keep me from moving forward with a clear mind and unencumbered heart. Regret is the shadow that keeps me from the light of truth and understanding.

3. Never let my fears stand in the way of my dreams, for it is dreams that give me hope that drives us onward.

4. Never underestimate myself, because true strength comes from within and sometimes if I just believe that I can accomplish the impossible I will, because the truth is, that NOTHING is impossible.

5. I must remember to accept that which is unchangeable and change that which is unacceptable.

6. Remember that the only limitations I have are those which I impose on myself or allow others to impose on me.

7. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, in this world or any other that I can't survive and learn from.

8. Never give up! I will fight for what I believe in with all that I am. I always have and I always will.

9. My integrity is mine and no one can ever take that away from my.

10.   Real love does exist because I found it once at 13 and lost it. What they say is true. It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. 

11. Life is about the memories, so make as many as you can! Live, life to the fullest, laugh every chance you get, have fun, do stupid shit and keep the stick out of your ass, because when your gone your true legacy is how your remembered ❤️

As I stand here reviewing these things I realize that although I have sometimes chosen the wrong path or failed to understand why I was on it, I still learned from the experience and am stronger and wiser for having endured it. I also realize that today as I stand here once again, I will choose the path that seems harder. As usual, I will head down the path that seems bumpier and less traveled because I know that for now it is the path I must take. As I stand here by myself, I know that I am not alone, and I know that if I have faith, someday the road will become smother as I learn from my mistakes and avoid making them again. I know that if I take the harder path and learn the lessons meant for me that I will someday reach my destiny and the goals that I strive for, because in the end with strength, and faith, dreams can become reality.

Love & Luck 2 you all! ~MJ~

Walking the outer limits to find the technicolor path

The universe will open the doors your meant to go through. In your gut, your intuition, will actually know which ones will be good and which will be bad for you... sometimes you will choose right and sometimes wrong, but no matter what you choose or what you believe, heaven, hell, the universe. The realest thing to understand is there is balance in it all. There is always yin and yang. There can not be good without the bad. 

So sometimes we take a chance knowing what the out come will be as we learn life... But once you reach this stage, where you have learned both sides, teetering back and forth between the two, your learn to walk the path between.

When your young you most people try to live WITHIN the boundaries of black or white that society dictates, at least until they actually experience life and realize that there are different choices. At that point, most people, usually choose to live within the shades of grey straight down the middle... However, there are also those of us who take the long path all the way around, outside of societies boundries. We walk around the dark side and then the light side (or vise versa) before taking the center path... For us.. the world becomes technicolor 😉

I like to think of that as walking the ring of fire... By the time you get all the way around and reach the path of enlightenment, you have been forged into something other something different and unique. You get to see me experience the best and the worst that life has to offer. By walking the outside edge, looking in, instead of walking the tightrope straight through the middle looking out, you learn so much more. The middle path isn't necessarily an easy path because you teeter back and forth as you make your way. You do the same walking the outside path as well, but on that path, you fall in and out of the known and unknown. On that path, you also get to see what most people never will, that our world is just one link, in a chain of many.

Too much hate and finger pointing!

Today I made the decision to take a break from social media for a while. I've been on way too much and every other thing I read is hate or about politics. I just can't right now. This world has gone crazy and in a time when we should be pulling together we are letting ourselves be torn apart.

Stop the hate! Stop the finger pointing! 

It breaks my heart that this proud country has become a joke around the world. Everyone else is sitting back now and waiting for us to destroy ourselves. What happened to America the great, or the land of the free? What happened to justice? 

Haven't we seen a thousand futuristic movies about post apocalyptic worlds that became that way just like this?

Wherever the voice of reason is in this world, I wish they would speak up...

The Phoenix Poem

I am Gods weapon, his warrior, his voice, his faithful servant to command. My faith in him and myself, is unshakeable, unbreakable, it is, without end. Each time I declare my faith, and on which side I stand, the devil whispers " you cannot withstand the storm. One day you will burn, and be gone from this land." So to the devil, I reply, "I am The Phoenix, not just a woman, I am Gods warrior, a protector, his voice and his hand. I will always stand against you to protect the lost and forgotten Innocents of this land. In his name, in his light, and in his glory, I will forever fight for them, I will forever stand. Even if you burn down the world around me, I will rise, and rise again. I will fight this war against you, now and forever or until forever ends. I will praise him and sing hallelujah, hallelujah, there is strength in God's grace and Gods glory, hallelujah, AMEN."

By: MBOOTES

"YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE UNTIL BEING STRONG IS THE ONLY CHOICE YOU HAVE"

Today as I was talking to a close friend we both came to a realization, and it is that, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice that you have. She is currently walking away from an abusive relationship and realized that the reason she didn't leave the first time she tried, was because she thought it could be fixed.  At this point in time, she has came to understand that she has done everything that she could do and that the individual isn't going to change because he doesn't want to change. She now has no other choice but to do whats right, be strong, and walk away.

I know for a fact, that coming to this realization is one of the hardest things for a person to do, especially if that person is a "Fixer", someone who believes that they can help someone change. Many of us, at some point in our lives, find our selves in a relationship with someone who isn't good for us or is dangerous to us or themselves. The mistake that many of us make, is that we try to change that person whether they want it or not. The realization and outcome in most of these situations is that we find ourselves metaphorically banging our heads against the wall with frustration because we never succeeded in changing that person but instead have ourselves changed because of the pain we endured trying to change or help someone change that doesn't actually want to be helped or change.

This is the point when you find you must be strong because you have no other choice but to do what you must and that is harder to do then most people think. You see, all though before entering a relationship like this you may be a very strong outgoing person, that abuser chips away at who you are... piece, by piece, by piece until you are molded into someone you don't even recognize. So although you may have been someone that never would have taken shit from anyone it is common for you to become someone that just ducks your head and pretends that it's okay for someone to call you names or tell you what to do or even hit you, and if someone points out your "flaws" long enough, it's all you will see when you look in the mirror.

It's not, ok, and it's not easy to remember that, but don't give up! When your feeling down, surround yourself with the positive people, because, with the right people in your life, the ones who refuse to give up on you, even when you feel like you have given up on yourself, you CAN, and WILL remember who you ARE/WERE, and who you CAN be, again.

Just take one step at a time...

https://youtu.be/SRUCgpOv9Ck

Love 2 you all!

~MJ

LOOKING BACK, SOMETIMES PROPELS YOU FORWARD

Recently I have had some blasts from the past, where people from deep in my past have found me after a decade or more. It was very flattering to know that even though I was long gone, I was never actually forgotten and that I somehow left an impression. It's was and is nice to know that as insignificant as life may seem, I have obviously played a significant part in some peoples lives.

It's funny though, how when the past catches up with you and you take the time to reflect and look back, you realize just how far you have come. There have been many times recently that I have been frustrated and felt impatient because I don't feel that I am progressing as quickly as I would like. So when faced with having to remember where I grew up, it made me realize how far I have actually come. It also made me realize that I have to remember who I am and that if I couldn't be held back then, then I refuse to be held back now. I'm not sure if I was born with the strength of heart and mind that God gave me or it was something developed throughout my life to help me survive the trials and tribulations that I  had to endure. Whichever it was, all that matters is that it is the part of me that made something out of nothing. It is also the part of me that believed I could make it when so many thought I would fail. Point in fact... I didn't fail then and I refuse to fail now. I will be strong and I will always push forward to a better place. I will reach my goals and I will achieve my dreams. My past is behind me, but it made me who I am today and today I know that I have a bright future ahead.

Love too you all!

~MJ~

A whole new adventure

I started out a city girl, made my way to the islands and am now I'm hitten the ho-downs in Texas! Well I survived my first week in Texas! Just kidding, Texas is actually pretty cool. I have to admit, I wasn't sure what it would be like here, but so far I really like it. It's definitely a lot different then any place I have been so far, but I have a feeling that everything is going to go great here. It's great to be back around good friends and I will be visiting family too as soon as I get settled in here.

Alexis has started school here and let me tell you, after schools in Hawaii she REALLY had culture shock! Her first impression was in the front office where the receptionist proceeded to dish out corrections to any child not saying please, thank you, yes ma'am or no ma'am. She say's her teachers are mean and I am saying Hallelujah.

It feels great to be back on track. Working out, eating right, sleeping right and feeling really accomplished these days. Now I just need to find my dream job and land it. Wish me luck!

Live life to the fullest!!

Today as I was getting ready to walk into the grocery store when a close friend called to tell me that her cousin (someone we both grew up with) had died. It saddened me to know that yet another person that I knew had passed away. At the age of thirty-one, I know WAY too many people that have died young. I guess that explains why I try to live my life to the fullest and experience as much as I can day by day. I hope to live a long full life with as many experiences as I can, so that someday I can tell my grandchildren stories and none of them will be lame "when I was your age, I walked ten miles to school and back, uphill both ways!" stories. I want to be able to tell stories about far off places and a million faces, about love and yes loss and most of all about adventure and taking the chances and opportunities that life offers you. I hope that someday when my time does come, that I have lived a full life and made a difference in many others. I live each day hoping that in some small way I am able to touch others lives in a positive way. My hope is that for each good deed that I do for someone, that they remember and instead of trying to pay me back,  pays it forward. My hope is that when I am gone that I am never forgotten.

My Prayers go out to Sheila Winslow and her family, may the lord watch over her daughter and be present with her family as they mourn her passing. Sheila, if your out there know that although you have gone from us, you will never be forgotten. Each of us will remember our part of your story and through us your memory will live on, I pray that you rest in peace.

Love to you all,

~MJ~

Gearing up for the next chapter in my life...

Aloha, Hawaii and Howdy Fort Worth, Texas!

After a year and a half in Paradise, I am ready to head back to the mainland where everything is a day drive away. I feel island fever creeping in and have reached a crossroad where I feel it's time to go, but my time here has been so amazing that I may break my rule about living anywhere twice and possibly come back to settle here someday. I have met some wonderful people and seen so many beautiful days here that it's crept into my heart and I have a feeling no matter where I go in the world I will always be comparing sunrises and sunsets to the ones that I have seen here.

So, with that said, I am preparing for my my next destination in the story of my life... Fort Worth, Texas! I am looking forward to being reunited with friends and family and while I don't know what Texas holds for me, I am eager to find out. There is nothing more exciting then moving to a new city and experiencing all it has to offer. It makes each day a new adventure with new experiences filled with new people, new food and more fun. Traveling the world and seeing it from the inside out is like living of the magic of dreams, if you can think it you can do it, the only limits to your possibilities or boundaries to your life are the ones that you impose on yourself.

Love to you all

~MJ~

A little something for singles to check out on Valentines day

 Here is something for all you singles out there on Valentines day, this is book seems great, check it out!!

All the Good Ones Are Gone

Dating Logic 2...

Don't get frustrated if a frog is just a frog....

Next time you "kiss a frog" and he doesn't turn into a prince for you, don't be too angry or upset. Trust me, I know from experience that it can be frustrating, but if you think about it, it was better to find out now rather then later. Besides, just because he didn't end up being YOUR prince doesn't mean he will always be a frog. Someday he may end up being someone else s prince.. and well lets face it..... sometimes he really is just a frog lol. Either way, better to be thankful that you didn't end up with the wrong guy now then regretful that you ended up staying with someone that wasn't right for you later (see note "dating logic" for more details on this situation).

Thanks for tuning in again to my random thoughts :)

Love 2 you all!

~MJ~

A Time For Change...

For those who know me and know me well, of which there are few.. lol. You all know that the last few years have been very difficult for me. Especially in dealing with my fathers illness and recent death. First, I would like to thank all of you for your support and help when I needed it over the last two years... and for some much much longer. Second, I would like to say that I am sorry. I am sorry that over the last few years, I have become such a very different person. Someone almost unrecognizable compared to the person that I always have been. I could come up with a thousand reasons why and a thousand excuses.. but when it comes down to it none of them would matter. The fact of the matter is, that along the way I lost a part of myself that was really a big part of who I am. Ever since, my life seems to have just been spinning out of control with me grabbing the wheel every now and then and wrestling it back in the general direction that I am supposed to be going. Well... all of that stops here. It is a time for change. A time to get back to who and what I truly am at the core. it's time to trudge forward and get back to that place that I have always held. I know that it is going to be a hard road, because it always has been, but I am not afraid of the challenge because I have never been afraid of anything. Not everyone that is in my life now will make it through to the next chapter, but many of you will and I am thankful for those of you that do. So as the changes begin, please be patient with me and understand that I am doing what needs to be done in order to get back to who I am and where I need to be. I know those of you that matter wont mind and those of you that mind.. well it probably doesnt matter because you won't make it through to the next chapter.

Love to you all,

MJ